Fallen Queen
by jessica pearson
Summary: He hated her for denying the fact that she wasn't going to be okay. That two days later, she would be cold and lifeless.
1. Prologue

**A/N: Just a short sad little Jessica/Harvey one shot. I literally bawled my eyes out writing this. Enjoy.**

He stood awkwardly in front of the tombstone tracing the engraved name with his right index finger. He doesn't come here much since he's been busy running the firm. _Her _firm. Words cannot express how much he missed her. He missed the distinct tapping of her heels as she approached his office and the way her hair bounced as she walked back to her office.

It's been almost a month yet for some reason Harvey still can't wrap his head around the fact that this tough woman had fallen completely. He looked at the worn out flowers her sister had left probably a week ago and set a new bouquet of her favorite white roses beside it. "I miss you," he whispered to the stone. "I've been so busy lately, I'm sorry. I should really get my schedule together. I know I promised I'd come by to visit you as much as I can but I've been busy running the firm. We kept your name on the door, Jess. They wanted to change it so badly but I fought for your name to stay."

"It's so hard without you so Pearson Specter really does help. I would've killed myself if we changed Pearson to Litt, to be honest. Oh, and Jess, I banned everyone from your office. I know you liked it that way and you'd hate it if anyone messed with it. You told me I could have it but I just can't. That's your office."

~xx~

_"This is what Jessica would've wanted." he said, as he closed the glass door leading to the late managing partner's office. "Nobody touches anything in there. I'd have to terminate everyone who comes in without telling me."_

_Donna walked up to him with a folder in hand. "I rescued this before you issued an ultimatum for anyone who walks into her office." she handed the folder to him and watched as he examined it. It was the last case she worked. "I think you should take this home. I found it in her office last night and decided to see what it was. Harvey, I'm so sorry." she said, handing him a CD. His name was handwritten on the front of the CD._

_That night, Harvey watched the content of the CD. And that was the first time Harvey cried. She had recorded a message to him several days before she lost her battles. "I'm scared, Harvey, but I know everything will be alright. I'll be okay." she had said on the video. He hated her for denying the fact that she wasn't going to be okay. That two days later, she would be cold and lifeless. "Take over the firm when I'm gone. Take care of everyone. Learn the associates' names, for God's sake. Stop giving Mike a hard time and make sure he doesn't ever get exposed. I don't want my name to be on the line even when I'm gone. You can take my name off the door. You can have my office, too, if you want it. Take it easy on Louis. Give him a chance. I know you'll do great, Harvey."_

_~xx~_

"Donna wanted to come by but I told her I wanted to go on my own. She might drop by later on. Mike, Louis, and Rachel might drop by as well. I hope you don't mind if I spend the night working in your office. I just miss you too much."

He brought his hand up to fix his hair before continuing with a smile."Hardman told me he came by the other day. Did you see him? You could've kicked his ass, you know." He chuckled loudly.

"Well, I have to go. Happy birthday, Jessica,"

He tried to hide the sadness in his voice. He tried but he just couldn't successfully hide it. His queen was gone. She was cold and lifeless in her grave.

"I love you."

The wind blew as he turned to walk away. He smiled.

She heard him.


	2. Six Weeks

**A/N: I initially planned this to be a one-shot but after some thought and consideration, I figured the best way to go about this is to keep the story going. So, yay? or nay? Hmm. Well, whatever. Oh, and a review would be lovely, just so I know you guys are still reading.**

Today wasn't exactly one of the best days. It was an okay day. But it had always been that way for him since the horrible tragedy more commonly known as the day Harvey Specter realized he would not be able to pay back everything this woman had done for him. Since that day, no one had tried to step on his toes. Not even Louis. Everyone tiptoed around him like he was some fragile ragdoll; already worn out yet somehow still standing. He wasn't sure if it was because he was now managing partner or because everyone noticed how much he's been going through. He surely hoped it wasn't the latter.

The day Donna broke the news to him surely wins all of the bad days he's had overall. It had been exactly six weeks. At this point he would've been at least a little better, a little loose, and a little more focused. Truth be told, the only reason he stepped up was because she specifically asked him to. He would've left and quit the very first day he had to spend without her if he could. However, Jessica wanted him. Jessica trusted him with this. It was a decision she made for him. And he surely wasn't going to disappoint her now.

Sometimes he would just sit in his office and think of all the times he could've made her proud. He often chose to fight their battles his way. He reminisced on the times she felt alone because of his selfishness and his huge ego. He misses her even more when he thinks about how many times he disappointed her. Especially that moment they had in the rooftop when she felt as if he wasn't there for her when really he's been there all along.

He walked over to Donna's desk and handed some files over before making his way to her office. He opened the door and breathed in her scent but found no luck. It's been weeks since the woman was last in and so he figured her strong scent had worn out. He sat on the couch he would often see her sitting on at night, when it was just the two of them left at the office. He sat there and continued to reminisce because that's all he could do now. That's all that is left to do now.

He decided to leave early today. He'd promised her he'd get his schedule together and so that's exactly what he's going to do at least once, twice, or even thrice a week if he's feeling extremely lonely. He hopped in his car and drove to her resting place with a bottle of her favorite wine and a fresh bouquet of flowers sitting on the front seat. He thought that bringing a bottle over would make it feel less lonely. He also brought the file from the last case she worked on - the one Donna handed him before he banned everyone from her office. He wasn't quite looking forward to seeing proof that she was gone in the form of her tombstone again today.

He walked over slowly hoping to wake up from the horrible nightmare he was stuck in. No matter how slow he went, though, things will forever be this way now. Finally reaching the stone, he set the flowers and the wine down and decided to sit on the grass. He didn't really mind his suit getting ruined or anything. After all, he wouldn't even be in these types of suits if it wasn't for this woman. He set the folder down on the ground next to him and observed his surroundings before picking it up and opening it for the first time since it was handed to him. It was certainly not a file.

He only saw the other side of the back cover of the folder until he decided to look down and see if anything had fallen from it. A piece of paper that had just landed on its back caught his attention. He picked it up and flipped it over to see her legible handwriting. The word 'beautiful' was written and that was it. It didn't mean anything to him until he saw that another thing had fallen on its back a few steps farther. He stood to pick it up and flipped it over as he did with the previous one. Then he froze.

It was a photo of the both of them at one of the parties they were both dragged to. His tears started to fall when he realized that she loved him as much as he did - maybe even more. That even though all he gave her when she was still alive were a whole lot of headaches, she cared for him regardless. The thought of him not having that kind of support from her any longer only crippled his confidence. Part of him was convinced that he wouldn't be able to go on without her but another part of him thought otherwise because even though she wasn't physically there anymore he knew for a fact that she's probably just somewhere looking after him; approving and disapproving his choices concerning her firm. After all, he's survived six weeks.

He smiled and sat on the ground once again. He spent about half an hour just sitting there saying nothing. He would often talk to her like she was just there whenever he visited but this time words didn't even suffice. For some reason, he couldn't say anything that would make things easier. He couldn't even bring himself to verbally joke about how he knew she and Donna were in on something. He couldn't even talk about how hard it's been because there were just no words to describe that sort of feeling.

He would have to come to terms that life isn't easy without the queen later on and he would have to deal with that for years and years to come. Normally, when a queen passes, she's replaced in an instant but never forgotten. In this case, however, the queen is irreplaceable and the queen won't ever be forgotten even if you wanted to forget that she even ever existed just to rid yourself of the pain.

He decided to save the bottle of wine for next time when he doesn't feel as lost and hopeless. He told himself that what he really needed was a good night's sleep causing himself to pause for a second. This is what Jessica would've told him had she been around. He smiled at the thought. He was starting to become a part of the secret club that only existed in everyone's hearts over at Pearson Specter. The club where they all would think of what Jessica would do or what Jessica would say before anything else.

For the first time in a long time, Harvey left with a smile that wasn't forced at all. With the bottle and the folder containing the picture and the little note in hand, he walked over to his car and drove home quite ecstatic to do exactly what Jessica would've done if she was the one in his situation.


	3. Jane

**A/N: Sorry to keep y'all waiting! I've been feeling quite uninspired lately. Have you guys seen Zane vs. Zane? Gosh, to those who haven't, go see it now. And if you need a download link or a link to watch it online, I have several, tweet me ( borrowedangels) if you need them. Also, have y'all seen the promo for the next episode? I'm getting my creative juices ready to write a bunch of Jessica/Harvey oneshots tagging that episode! I'm too excited. Anyways, here's a new chapter. Short and slightly predictable but it's a new chapter nevertheless. For now, enjoy!**

Cancer's a bitch. It always has and always will be. Harvey Specter hated everyone who openly referred to themselves as a survivor; she survived for as long as she could but she wasn't allowed the chance to dramatically proclaim that she is one. He hated those who have the pleasure of calling themselves survivors just because it was so unfair to those who weren't lucky enough. He hated those people because they weren't her.

It would be a lie if he said he didn't see it coming. He did. But he just stood there and watched as she got weaker and weaker because cancer doesn't give much hope. If it's cancer, it's cancer. She had gone from stage 1 to stage 3 drastically. It hurt him to even think she was helpless. It hurt him to think that there's nothing he can do. He wanted to kill himself every time he walked into the hospital. In all honesty, he'd hoped he was the one in her condition. Yes, this is the same cocky, egotistic Harvey Specter that everyone knew. She didn't do anything to deserve this. He, on the other hand, felt like a walking piece of bullshit.

He doesn't refer to her by name anymore just because it's easier that way. It's _she _or _her _now. He often talked about her. Not a day has passed that he doesn't mention her, let alone think about her. Yes, this is the same person that drove her crazy for the sole purpose of driving her crazy. This is the same person that did things his way. This is the same person who kept passing on pro bonos when she specifically told him not to. But this is also the same person that made her life easier back when Hardman was still managing partner. This is the same person that stood by her until the day she had to leave forever.

He took a deep breath as he made his way towards the stone. He didn't notice that there was someone else until he stopped looking at the ground. He smiled at the sight of the other person who he was quite sure was as miserable as he was. She turned to look at him and flashed a sad smile. "Thanks, Harvey," she whispered quietly. He set the bouquet of flowers next to the ones she had brought in and stood to her left.

They stood awkwardly for a few minutes before she decided to fill the gaps by grabbing his hand. He looked at her and sighed. "You were there for her all along. Thank you for that, really. My parents wanted me to thank you on their behalf as well so there's that too."

"Your mom too?" he asked unconsciously. When her mom came to visit at the firm, she did nothing but roll her eyes at him. There was something about him that she didn't like. There had to be something. But what it was, he wasn't quite sure. And he probably will never find out now.

"Well, she implied it. She's still bitter about Jess-"

He squeezed her hand tightly which made her stop. She looked at him and rubbed the top of his hand with her thumb. "You having a tough time too, huh?"

"It's been three months but the feelings still won't subside. I feel like it's never going to end." he whispered to her truthfully. He took a small step forward without letting go of her hand and touched the stone with his free hand.

"I know. It's been the same for me."

He's met Jane several times before but this is the first time they've made physical contact since they shook hands the first time around. They met once when she came to visit her sister in the hospital. They don't know each other that well but it seemed like the rational thing to do was to hold on to each other for support. So they just stood there in front of the stone for several more minutes without letting go of each other's hand.

Jane told him she was going to go back to Pasadena tomorrow to see her parents but she'll be back next week and that maybe they could go have lunch together. She was going to stay in Jessica's place from now on so she would be closer to her resting place. She told him she planned to take a look at her office and see if there were things in there that their parents might want once she comes back from her trip. And he agreed it would be best despite the fact that he wanted her office to stay the way she left it.

She let go of his hand and grabbed her purse from the ground, announcing quietly that she had to leave. She told him she would see him soon and that she'll leave her number with Donna first thing in the morning before she leaves. They promised each other that they were both going to be okay before Jane decided to leave him alone with his thoughts.

Harvey chuckled to himself as soon as the brunette was out of sight. He touched the stone once more and this time, assured her that he would be okay. Then he turned around and told himself he was going to be okay. For some reason, things finally felt a tad bit better.


	4. Donna

**A/N: Sorry for the delay! I've been so busy! But here, have at it. Reviews are love. Xx**

He decided not to visit her on the seventh week. Instead, he spent the night working in Jessica's office. Mike and Donna stayed to make sure he was going to be alright. They busied themselves with work of their own but they would check on him every once in a while. Donna would, at least. She would bring him a cup of coffee every few hours. She and Harvey were the only ones who'd stepped foot in Jessica's office since.

Donna visited earlier, though. This was the first time she visited since they'd buried her. She wasn't as close to Jessica as Harvey was. However, the few moments they shared with each other were priceless. They bonded through their mutual concern for Harvey. Donna wasn't a lawyer but she looked up to the late managing partner. She had no desire to be a lawyer but if she was ever going to be one, she definitely wanted to be someone like Jessica. She touched the stone and smiled down at the withered bouquet from Harvey's last visit. She replaced it with a fresh one and wiped some tears away. Everyone knew Donna had the power over her own tears; however, these tears weren't forced.

"Jessica, he's lonelier than ever. He's not the same anymore. We lost the Harvey we all loved and hated at the same time. You were really the only one who could hold him together. Now that you're gone, I don't know if he's ever going to be okay. Jessica, I need that certainty. I need to know that he's going to be okay. And I need you to assure me that. I need you to promise me that he will get over this and that he won't let this define him. You owe me that for leaving unannounced." she wiped a tear and stood idly for a few more minutes before leaving.

Her visit was short and brief but the second time she walked into Jessica's office to bring him another cup of coffee made her feel as if she really did hear her. He looked up at her, smiled, and said thank you for everything she's ever done in general. She smiled back taking a seat in front of him and decided it was time to make small talk. "I visited her today." Donna said with a smile. "How was that? Did she blow some wind at you too?"

"No, but she gave me this." she gestured between them. "She's like a fairy godmother, you know. You tell her what you need and it just happens."

"She's not back, is she? Because I need her." Harvey asked slightly irritated. She was really the only thing he needed at the moment.

"Harvey,"

"That's what I thought."

Donna looked at him wanting to take back what she just said. She wasn't a fairy godmother. She was just Jessica Pearson; the woman who loved Harvey despite the bullshit he put her through. "When will this end, Harvey?" she asked almost unconsciously. He ignored her and continued with his paperwork. "You didn't visit her today." she tried a different route. He looked up with his eyebrows raised. That was her cue to leave.

She decided to go home after the third cup of coffee was brought in because she knew he was a hopeless case. At least for tonight. She told Mike not to stick around either because she didn't want him to get in trouble for simply being there.

That night in bed, Donna wondered what had happened to Harvey and why Jessica - wherever she was - wasn't doing anything to help him. Then, it hit her. She stood up and grabbed her coat, taking her keys and her phone with her. She hailed a cab and in ten minutes she was at Pearson Specter. She made her way to Jessica's office and pulled Harvey out and into the same cab she rode going there. Harvey recognized the road they took. Donna's dragging him to her.

"There, Jessica. Look at this mess." Donna said, pulling Harvey towards the stone. "Look what you've done to him. Please help him. Please, Jessica." she sobbed quietly. Harvey stood beside the redhead suddenly feeling quite guilty. He's brought everyone down with him. He turned away to fight off a few tears of his own but he hasn't been as emotionless as he used to be. For the first time in a long time, Harvey Specter didn't even think about denying that he looked like a mess.


End file.
